Love, Trust, Rest.

Proverbs 2:4

If thou seekest her as silver, and searchest for her as for hid treasures;

Matthew 6:21

For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.

OK, so, my life was super boring and super uneventful, so I craved excitement.

Then, my life became exciting. Too exciting. Way too exciting!

Now, I'm once again craving peace, quiet, simplicity, and uneventfulness. 

I think humans are like that.

Humans are fickle. We're dumb. We're confused. We don't know what we want. We can't make up our minds: I want excitement. I want simplicity. I want to be married. I'm glad I'm single. I wish I had friends. I'm so glad no one makes demands on my time.

Well, I don't want to get my hopes up, but I might be moving into a somewhat quiet, uneventful season in my life: Mom and I found a house for rent in a senior living community in a tiny city in a dull state. So we'll be relocating soon (actually, we'll be moving back to the state from which we'd move when I got my current job). My job is willing to let me telecommute. That offer almost seems too good to be true and I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop: I can make my own hours, work in my pajamas with Christian music blasting in the background, I can go to the bathroom whenever I want and not have to worry about the one stall being occupied, I won't have to wake up at the crack of dawn, then hit the ground running to get ready for work. A slower pace. Isn't that what I've been praying for lately? The senior living community even has a list of regular community activities and guess what...Bible study is one of those activities!

There is one caveat: The situation with my former landlords seems to be escalating. Their lawyer is threatening to sue us; our lawyer is threatening to sue them. They're telling outright lies on us (they're stating that we trashed and stole things out of the apartment! We always leave our apartments squeaky clean--we have pictures and former landlord references to prove it--and we don't steal!). So things seem to be getting ugly. I'm praying things simmer down and that this nightmare can be resolved quickly (I really don't want to be going back and forth from one state to another for a civil court case). We just want our security deposit back. Lord, have mercy!

But I'm OK. 

I'm holding onto my Master, the King! I'm not just saying that--I mean it! I don't feel anger. I don't feel resentment or bitterness. I'm not mad at God that things haven't been working out as quickly or as easily as I would've wanted. In fact, the more stressful things have gotten lately, the more my heart has felt nothing but overflowing love and desire for the Lord Jesus. I feel like I'm hanging onto my Beloved Husband as one would hang onto a life raft! I'm holding onto Him as though my every breath depended upon Him--because it does! I need Him, I need His love to get me through this. I'm holding on for dear life!

I don't want to boast because every time I boast, it seems to backfire, but I truly hope the Lord is teaching me that I can have stability in Him, that I can rest in His love. When things are crazy, when things are terrible, when I don't understand--I can remain stable in Him, in His love. My emotions don't have to go crazy and I don't have to get mad at God. I can just rest, love, trust. Or, better yet, love, trust, rest. I have the Love of my life. He's always with me. He's with me on stressful jobs. He's with me in boring towns. He's with me in litigation. He's with me as I type this, exhausted and mentally burned out.

I feel beat down. I feel as though I've worn myself out. I feel like God has broken me...but in a good way. I'm tired of "kicking against the pricks" (Acts 9:5). When you're totally wiped out, you have no other choice but to let His love carry you.

The other night, listening to the Gospels, I heard Matthew 6:21: "For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also."

Proverbs states that we should search for wisdom and the knowledge of God as for hid treasure (Proverbs 2:1-5). 

Well, Jesus is the wisdom of God (1 Cor. 1:24) and knowledge of Him--knowing Him--is the hidden treasure we should seek. 

So, if the Lord Jesus is truly my treasure, my heart will remain fixed on Him, regardless of my circumstances. That's freedom. That's stability. That's being desperately in love with God.

Psalm 18:2
The Lord is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower.

Bonus Treats:

How God Views His Bride (Paul Washer) Part 1:http://media.sermonindex.net/16/SID16121.mp3

How God Views His Bride (Paul Washer) Part 2:http://media.sermonindex.net/16/SID16122.mp3

There's Always Humility...

In about one day, I'm going to be semi-homeless.

What do I mean? 

Well, the lease on my old place ended a couple of months ago. Then, the new dream apartment I rented turned out to be a nightmare, so mom and I will be officially moved out this Tuesday.

But we haven't yet found a new rental.

We might stay with my sister, although we're reconsidering that option: She talks non-stop (she's an extrovert; mom and I are major introverts!). Plus, she has a dog. I'm allergic to dogs (not as allergic as I am to cats, but I will still start to wheeze and sneeze a bit). Plus, we think her utilities tend to run pretty high, even with just her and her kids.

We might try to find a good Hotwire hotel deal for a little while.

Meanwhile, our stuff will be in storage at a whopping $200.00 a month.

We have to find a new rental ASAP, otherwise storage and possibly hotel fees will continue to nibble away at the little bit of savings I have and we won't have enough to secure a new apartment.

In the midst of all of this, the Lord Jesus seems a million miles away. Some of that is definitely my fault. I've been very distracted lately--by work, by packing, by sheer goofing off (TV, the Internet)!

So, things are a little scary right now and I'm trying not to panic.

Recently, when I've fallen on hard times and I'm not exactly sure why (there isn't any obvious sin in my life) or what God is trying to teach me, I embrace the philosophy that, if nothing else, I'm possibly acquiring more humility.

We could all benefit from an extra helping of humility, no?

Christ was humble. It's actually kind of a mind-blowing thing that God was/is humble! Which makes human pride seem absolutely ridiculous, doesn't it?

I'm definitely developing more compassion for the homeless. I've read the statistic that most Americans are just one paycheck away from poverty or homelessness. I'm sure this is true. It's almost amazing how fast homelessness can just sneak up on you. This isn't the first time I've been in between apartments and wasn't sure what my next move was going to be or where I was going to end up. It's scary. I thank God that, at least, I still have a job and a tiny bit of savings, so I'm not exactly living on the streets, but I don't feel too far from that. And when you stay with relatives, they're always quick to remind you that they're doing you a favor and that you're a guest in their house!

I actually have a little bit of a dream: I'm thinking that, if God ever blessed me with enough money so that I had "disposable income," I'd love to open a homeless shelter. I'd love to serve meals there, have shower facilities, fresh clothing, and, of course, free Bibles and Christian counselors offering prayer, etc.--all the things people would need to get back on their feet and to start rebuilding their lives.

I'm going to pray. 

I feel like Abraham:

By faith Abraham, when he was called to go out into a place which he should after receive for an inheritance, obeyed; and he went out, not knowing whither he went. (Hebrews 11:8)

I feel like the Israelites in the wilderness:

4 They wandered in the wilderness in a solitary way; they found no city to dwell in.

5 Hungry and thirsty, their soul fainted in them.

6 Then they cried unto the Lord in their trouble, and he delivered them out of their distresses.

7 And he led them forth by the right way, that they might go to a city of habitation.

8 Oh that men would praise the Lord for his goodness, and for his wonderful works to the children of men! (Psalm 107:4-8)

The Lord Jesus feels a million miles away.

But I know that He isn't (Matt. 1:23).

Please pray for me: Pray that the Lord's will be done and accomplished in me and in my life and that, in any event, Christ be glorified.

I'd better catch some Zzzz's...the moving men will be here in a few hours.

Talk 2 u soon! <3

Numbers 10:33
And they departed from the mount of the Lord three days' journey: and the ark of the covenant of the Lord went before them in the three days' journey, to search out a resting place for them.

Just a Pinch...

I'm not sure if I read this before or heard a preacher say it, but imagine the following:

For whatever reason, you've been selected to receive a free meal and/or dessert, cooked by the most talented, famous chef in the world. The meal will contain the richest, most delicious ingredients, flown in from all over the world. You'll probably never eat a meal this rich or this delectable ever again in your entire life!

But just as the chef is mixing together his ingredients, he gives you the one caveat:

The meal/dessert will have the tiniest amount of dog poop added in. A seriously tiny amount. Maybe less than a centimeter's worth. Just a pinch. Surely the other ingredients would mask the flavor of the poop. Most definitely you wouldn't even notice it.

Knowing this, would you eat it?

Some of you might, but I'm guessing you wouldn't. I certainly wouldn't. There are no extenuating circumstances in this scenario, such as you starving to death. It's just an average day and you've been offered a spectacular meal/dessert, with one tiny, not-so-fabulous ingredient.

I've been thinking about carnality a lot like that lately. A little cuss word here. A dirty thought there. A questionable movie here and there. No big deal, right?

I don't think so.

When I think of our perfect, holy God, I imagine that even a half centimeter's worth of carnality/sin in His royal child is unacceptable, just as a pinch of dog poop would be unacceptable in the richest, most luxurious chocolate cake made by a world-famous chef.

Paul Washer (I've been LOVING his sermons) puts it this way: "99% water and 1% sewage--I still don't want to drink it." Something like that.

I've been in a more solemn, more serious mood lately. Great sermons will do that to you. Washer actually answers a lot of the questions I've had of late: Why is the Church so carnal? Why do so many who get saved fall away? Why is the Church so powerless? Why do we not see the power of the Holy Spirit more active in the body of Christ? What can we do about all the ungodliness we see all around us?

Washer seems to focus in on one key ingredient: Repentance. Becoming (and staying) saved is more than just repeating a quick "sinner's prayer." It involves repentance, truly understanding what sin is, turning from sin, and turning toward God.

I've been convicted of this in my own life. This Christian walk is a daily, constant thing. The Lord Jesus said, "If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me" (Luke 9:23). I love the "daily" in that scripture. According to Washer, those involved in carnal lifestyles either A.) were never truly saved, never truly repented to begin with, or B.) have mixed scripture with the social, psychological, and philosophical teachings of this world. It's just a pinch of dog poop mixed into the chocolate cake. No big deal, right?

I've written on this subject before. How much carnality do you think is acceptable to God? How much compromise? How much affirming of or winking at sin? No, we can't be perfect as long as we're in these fleshly bodies, but I can't help but think--and I believe the scriptures affirm this--that we should always be reaching, STRIVING toward perfection (Phil. 3:14): More of the Word, more holiness, greater intimacy with the Lord Jesus! We're supposed to be being changed from glory to glory (2 Cor. 3:18). Less and less carnality. Each day, being made conformed unto the image of His Son (Rom. 8:29). I think I've heard the saying, "If you aim low, you'll always reach your goal"!

Do you honestly and truly believe that God would rebuke you for striving for holiness too much? For immersing yourself in His Word too much? For seeking His face too much?

Don't get me wrong--I'm guilty too! Sometimes, when I go to watch a secular movie or TV show and it contains profanity and/or sexuality, sometimes I cut it off. And sometimes I don't. It's just a pinch of dog poop mixed into the chocolate cake. No big deal, right?

I've been thinking a lot about complete immersion lately. Do you know what that is?

When a person is learning a new language (particularly a young person still in school), complete immersion involves "almost 100% of class time spent in the foreign language." For example, the student would have a class specifically teaching the new language, but the other courses--math, science, etc.--would also be taught in the language. In many ways, it is a sink or swim situation (pun intended). The idea is that if the student is completely immersed in the new language, she will pick it up quicker and understand it better.

Our new life in Christ is kinda like that: We've known the language of sin and of the devil. When we're born again, we start learning the language of God (His Word) and of His kingdom. 

I don't know about you, but I've found that I tend to fall into trouble when I'm not completely immersed: People think I'm "fanatical" because I try to immerse myself in Christian music, movies, TV programs, etc. I don't do this to impress others. I do this to keep myself out of trouble. 

When the Word of God/Jesus is constantly before me (Psalm 16:8, Psalm 101:3), I tend to remain focused and on track (complete immersion); thus, I tend to stay out of trouble. As soon as I start slacking off in prayer and Bible study, watching and/or listening to secular media--just a pinch of dog poop in the chocolate cake--I feel myself starting to slip back into my old language (carnality/sin). So it's probably no wonder that I had a profanity-laced tirade a few weeks back.

But let's return to our culinary analogy: This time, instead of dog poop, let's substitute just a pinch of extremely lethal poison. No big deal, right?

Wow, that really puts a different spin on things, huh? Perhaps that's the analogy I should've used from the start because carnality--sin--is, in fact, deadly poison: It poisons our relationship with Christ, it poisons our Christian witness, and, if we continue consuming it, it can poison us right into Hell.

I guess these are just musings (at 2:00 am) on my Christian walk, the Church, carnality, compromise, sin, holiness. I'm realizing I've got even more work to do than I initially thought, but I thank God for opening my eyes.

Do you truly believe that you can pursue God and His Word too much?

How much lethal poison is too much? It's just a pinch. No big deal, right?

"I'd Rather Die Than Live Without You."

"I'd rather die than live without you."

Can you imagine someone saying that to you and actually meaning it? Over the years, I've had boyfriends feed me all kinds of tired lines--"I love you," "You're THE ONE," "I don't want to lose you," blah, blah, blah--and yet here I sit, years later, alone, unmarried and these guys who were so madly in love with me are--God knows where--married with kids, new girlfriend, etc.

So I've never had a human actually say this to me (period) and mean it.

But God said it and meant it!

As I was Googling around the other day for a Bible study, I came across an unbelievably beautiful article that made me think about Adam's and Eve's relationship in a way I never have before, which, of course, gave me deeper insight into our relationship with Christ, the Last Adam (1 Cor. 15:45).

I've always simply written off Adam as being dumb--he just stood there and watched Eve eat the fruit, then he ate it! 

But this author suggests another possible motivation for Adam's eating of the forbidden fruit. This article doesn't or shouldn't mitigate Adam's sin (sin, even with a good motive, is still sin.), but it does give us possible deeper insight into his relationship with Eve and Christ's relationship with us:

I am beginning to see what Adam did in the garden and his response to God was all done out of his motivation of love for Eve. What a beautiful picture of how much Christ must love HIS EVE! 

Yes, I believe Adam really loved Eve. She was perfect for him (helpmeet), and he recognized that. In Gen. 1 we do not have a name for either of them. Gen. 1:26-27 may imply that the woman, female, was already in the man "...male and FEMALE created He them." In v.26 it says let THEM have dominion. So woman was in God's heart and purpose from the very beginning. 

Adam referred to Eve as his "ishshah." Man was the "ish," woman was the "shah." Out from man came wo-man! Women libbers don't like this, but I Cor. 11 says the woman is the glory of man (v.7) and made for the man (v.9). That is NOT a put down toward women, but a great compliment!   Adam knew this.  In fact nothing else in all creation fit and made him complete (none of the animals he named, came close). Adam wanted to spend the rest of his life with his ishshah. But then one day, Adam finds himself in the garden next to his bride in the greatest dilemma of his life. 

<Side note: No where in scripture does it say Eve was apart from Adam, only that the serpent spoke to her, but if you read 3:6 carefully, it almost seems he was right there next to her "...she took of it's fruit and ate. She also gave to her husband WITH HER, and he ate."  Whether Adam was present with Eve and the serpent is irrelevant (but I find the possibility interesting).> 

He knows right away what has happened and he also knows what God said, "in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die." He knows she ate, and in I Tim. 2:14, we know that "...Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived, fell into transgression." So here is Adam standing next to Eve in the garden. We do not know how much time transpired, but I think Adam felt great anguish at this time. He knew what God had said, he knew how much he loved Eve. He knew God had given him Eve as his helpmeet, and there was no other. Therefore, knowing all this, and not being deceived, Adam chose to eat of the fruit along with his beloved. Adam did not want to lose Eve. He was willing to live in separation from God (true death), rather than to live without his bride. He consciously chose to take and eat and die with her. To me, this has to be the SECOND GREATEST LOVE STORY EVER TOLD!  

Just like Adam, but much much more so, Jesus was in anguish in the garden. But He knew there was no other way for Him to have His bride. She had partaken of the forbidden fruit and was now to be forever separated from Him and God. He must now do the same in order for them to be together. He must die in that state with her. He would remain separated from God, the Father, until He was raised from the dead. He breathed His last breath up to His Father and then joined all those of Adam's race as He became sin that we might live. "But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you." (Rom.8:11) 

Christ took on sin, (yet never sinned) in order to purchase His lover, His helpmeet, His ishshah. Out from His side flowed blood and water. He willfully and consciously (not being deceived) did it for her. Christ loved/loves His ishshah, His ekklesia...He GAVE Himself for her. Now when I read Eph. 5:22-32 it takes on a much deeper meaning 

I will offer one more brief point. This will probably be the most controversial in this article. Gen. 3:12 has been portrayed as Adam passing the buck and even indirectly blaming God for giving him a "faulty" woman. I just can't buy that. Adam loved Eve..he saw no fault in her. I think when he said, "...the woman whom You GAVE to be WITH me...", he was interceding for her as Moses did for the people in the wilderness (Ex. 32:10-14 & Num. 14:11-19). He was reminding God that it was Him (God) who GAVE the woman to him. It was God who brought her out of him, it was she who was in the heart and plan of God from the beginning..it was "THAT woman" in which Adam was interceding for. I remember once thinking, man, why didn't he just let her eat and then ask God for another model, he still had plenty of ribs left over <wink>. 

There were certainly heavy consequences for their sin, but once all judgments had been pronounced by God, Adam realized they were going to live! For the first time he called his ishshah by her name, EVE, which means "living or "lifegiver." She would continue to be his helpmeet and now progenitor with him.  What a merciful God! 

And now what of us? We have been purchased, redeemed from the curse. Jesus took on sin that we might live with Him, become His pure and spotless bride and reign with Him (II Tim. 2:12). He did that for us!  What a merciful God! 

Borrowed from "The Second Greatest Love Story"

John 10:14-18

14 I am the good shepherd, and know my sheep, and am known of mine.

15 As the Father knoweth me, even so know I the Father: and I lay down my life for the sheep.

16 And other sheep I have, which are not of this fold: them also I must bring, and they shall hear my voice; and there shall be one fold, and one shepherd.

17 Therefore doth my Father love me, because I lay down my life, that I might take it again.

18 No man taketh it from me, but I lay it down of myself. I have power to lay it down, and I have power to take it again. This commandment have I received of my Father.

Former Bad Girl!

None Too Deep

Psalm 139:8-12

8 If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there.

9 If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea;

10 Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me.

11 If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me; even the night shall be light about me.

12 Yea, the darkness hideth not from thee; but the night shineth as the day: the darkness and the light are both alike to thee.

So, today, I listened to my scriptures, put on some Christian music, and allowed God's peace and presence to calm and soothe me.

I feel like I screwed up royally! I've felt so hateful and dark the past few days; so much anger, rage, and frustration have been brewing, seething inside of me.

Yet the scriptures remind us that there's no pit so deep that the Lord Jesus can't reach down and pull us out, no darkness so black that Christ can't see us. There's no pit too deep, no darkness too black.

I just need to keep cleaving to the scriptures and remain on my face in prayer.

It's so funny: My Saturday scripture reading included Numbers 33. If you read Numbers 33, it looks as though the Israelites moved more than 40 times! And I thought I was exhausted from relocating so often!

Both my mom and I are tired. Just plain, ol' tired. I slept at least fifteen hours Saturday night. That's how exhausted I am!

The Holy Spirit whispered Jeremiah 31:2 into my ear awhile back: "Grace in the wilderness."

At this point, I am completely broken down. I need Dad to carry me. 

Deuteronomy 1:31
And in the wilderness, where thou hast seen how that the Lord thy God bare thee, as a man doth bear his son, in all the way that ye went, until ye came into this place.

Deuteronomy 2:7
7 For the Lord thy God hath blessed thee in all the works of thy hand: he knoweth thy walking through this great wilderness: these forty years the Lord thy God hath been with thee; thou hast lacked nothing.

Jeremiah 31:2
Thus saith the Lord, The people which were left of the sword found grace in the wilderness; even Israel, when I went to cause him to rest.

The Bad Girls Club

Psalm 39:2-4

King James Version (KJV)

2 I was dumb with silence, I held my peace, even from good; and my sorrow was stirred.

3 My heart was hot within me, while I was musing the fire burned: then spake I with my tongue,

4 Lord, make me to know mine end, and the measure of my days, what it is: that I may know how frail I am.

Matthew 26:73-75
King James Version (KJV)

73 And after a while came unto him they that stood by, and said to Peter, Surely thou also art one of them; for thy speech bewrayeth thee.

74 Then began he to curse and to swear, saying, I know not the man. And immediately the cock crew.

75 And Peter remembered the word of Jesus, which said unto him, Before the cock crow, thou shalt deny me thrice. And he went out, and wept bitterly.

If I had to describe myself over the course of my life, I guess I'd say I was a semi-good girl, gone terribly bad, gone desperately trying to be and stay good!

If I were an unbeliever, I'd say that, right now, I'm experiencing a serious string of bad luck!: Remember how I was bragging about not having problems with landlords and how God gave us grace with our current landlords? Well, that has all changed! Here's the deal: There are garbage compactors within our condo complex (which we didn't discover until after we'd moved in). They are loud. I'm mean, really, really LOUD! They sound like garbage trucks! And the thing is, they don't compact at set intervals; they compact whenever someone puts something in them. Hand on the Bible, I've heard these compactors going past 1 am!

Well, my mom and I desperately tried to endure the noise, but after about 2 weeks, we were done. There was no way we could deal with this for a whole year. So we informed the landlord that we needed to move. And these landlords informed us that they would not be returning our security deposit (even though they already have someone scheduled to move in next month). So we've retained a lawyer and things are getting really ugly and crazy right now.

I don't know--I feel like every demon in hell is after me. We just got a 2011 4x4 and that truck is making funny noises. What's going on?! I feel like if one more bad thing happens, I'm going to literally explode!

Well, speaking of exploding, when my mother got off the phone with the landlord's business manager, who informed us that our deposit would not be returned, I started shouting and some really SPICY language came out of my mouth! These are words I haven't said in I can't remember when!

Now, I've gotta be honest with you: I'd been really proud of myself of late. No, I'm not perfect, but I've gone from a backsliding, fornicating "Christian," to a Christian truly attempting to pursue God, His Word, and holiness. So I couldn't believe how angry I got and the darkness that came out of me!

This taught me a couple of things:

1. It really shows when we start neglecting God and His Word: Because of the location of our new (soon-to-be-former) residence, we are at least a two-hour round trip away from my job. So that two-hour round trip really eats into my time both getting ready the night before for work and getting ready for work in the morning. As a result, my prayer and Bible study time have seriously gone by the way side. Not intentionally, of course. But, you know how it is--you're just always busy and you keep saying, "Tomorrow, I'll do better," but the pattern repeats itself the next day and the next day and the next day...

2. No matter how good I think I am, I still, apparently, have a lot of (spiritual) work to do! No matter how good we are, we're never good enough!

When the landlord informed us that she would not be returning our security deposit, so much profanity and rage came out of me: I wanted to hurt them (her and her husband), I wanted them to die! I thought they were such evil, old people! For a split second, I wished I was into witchcraft so I could put an evil curse upon them! I couldn't believe the dark things I was saying and feeling and thinking!

They say good girls love bad boys. Well, thank God, Jesus is the good God who loves bad girls! He doesn't want us to stay bad, of course, but He's in the business of working with us, healing us, reforming us, restoring us.

Rahab (Joshua 2, 6, Matt. 1:5), the woman, which was a sinner (Luke 7:36-50), the adulteress (John 8:3-11)--these are just a handful of women who were changed after an encounter with the Lord Jesus.

Pray for me! Satan and his demons are really coming against me! Every time I turn around, something else bad is happening. I feel like Job!

I don't know why God is allowing all this to happen: Maybe He wanted me to see myself for how I really am, maybe He simply wants me to run to Him in my adversities.

If this was a test, I failed: For the first five minutes, like Job, I said, "The Lord gave and the Lord hath taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord" (Job 1:21). After that, it was all rage and profanity. I've asked the Lord to forgive me, but I still feel dirty.

I thank God that His mercies are new every morning (Lam. 3:22-23), but--oh my goodness, Lord, have mercy on me and help me (Mark 9:22)!

Happy Resurrection Day!

God--King Jesus--is risen!!!

Revelation 1:17-18

17 And when I saw him, I fell at his feet as dead. And he laid his right hand upon me, saying unto me, Fear not; I am the first and the last:

18 I am he that liveth, and was dead; and, behold, I am alive for evermore, Amen; and have the keys of hell and of death.

The Day That True Love Died

Isaiah 53
King James Version (KJV)

1 Who hath believed our report? and to whom is the arm of the Lord revealed?

2 For he shall grow up before him as a tender plant, and as a root out of a dry ground: he hath no form nor comeliness; and when we shall see him, there is no beauty that we should desire him.

3 He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not.

4 Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.

5 But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.

6 All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the Lord hath laid on him the iniquity of us all.

7 He was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth: he is brought as a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is dumb, so he openeth not his mouth.

8 He was taken from prison and from judgment: and who shall declare his generation? for he was cut off out of the land of the living: for the transgression of my people was he stricken.

9 And he made his grave with the wicked, and with the rich in his death; because he had done no violence, neither was any deceit in his mouth.

10 Yet it pleased the Lord to bruise him; he hath put him to grief: when thou shalt make his soul an offering for sin, he shall see his seed, he shall prolong his days, and the pleasure of the Lord shall prosper in his hand.

11 He shall see of the travail of his soul, and shall be satisfied: by his knowledge shall my righteous servant justify many; for he shall bear their iniquities.

12 Therefore will I divide him a portion with the great, and he shall divide the spoil with the strong; because he hath poured out his soul unto death: and he was numbered with the transgressors; and he bare the sin of many, and made intercession for the transgressors.

Awhile back, while I was researching for another blog post, I came across these images; they give greater insight as to what crucifixions were really like.

These images are simultaneously horrific and beautiful: They are horrific because they graphically show the pain that God endured because of our sins. They are beautiful because they graphically show that no pain was too great for God to endure because of His love for us!

John 3:16
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

All Dessert, All the Time?

Hebrews 5:12-14

12 For when for the time ye ought to be teachers, ye have need that one teach you again which be the first principles of the oracles of God; and are become such as have need of milk, and not of strong meat.

13 For every one that useth milk is unskilful in the word of righteousness: for he is a babe.

14 But strong meat belongeth to them that are of full age, even those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil.

As you all know, whenever I come across an awesome link, resource, tool, etc., I simply have to share it...

I am fast becoming a super fan of the teachings of Dr. Michael L. Brown! I've only recently discovered Dr. Brown's teachings via the Sermon Index Web site.

Dr. Brown is--I guess he'd be called a Messianic Jew. Anyways, he preaches a strong Word--and you all know I'm a fan of a strong Word, for that's how we grow up in Christ.

Today, I listened to his sermon titled, "The Dangers of Hyper Grace." I'd actually never heard the term "hyper grace" before, but as soon as I saw the title of the message, I knew what Brown was referring to. Brown is referring to a very dangerous trend I've also witnessed within the body of Christ--I sometimes refer to this trend as Christians wanting "all dessert, all the time."

The sweet messages of the Bible--those messages dealing with God's love, mercy, grace, forgiveness, goodness, blessings, gentleness, favor, etc.--those are like caramel and ice cream: They're yummy, they're gooey, they're delicious, they're sweet, they make us feel good. Most Christians--in fact, even most unbelievers--don't mind these messages. It's the vegetable/meat messages that make people uncomfortable--messages on holiness, resisting sin and temptation, the narrow path, etc.

It's easy to understand why this trend is so appealing. First of all, Satan works 24/7 in subtle deception, and second of all, it makes being a Christian REALLY easy! You can have your cake and eat it too (pun intended!). When I was committing fornication with my boyfriends, of course I preferred a liberal theology and dessert messages! I felt little or no conviction and they made my sin seem less like, well, sin!

So there has arisen an entire slew of Christians--both pastors/teachers and lay Christians--who subscribe to a message of hyper grace, which is essentially all dessert, all the time (Rob Bell might be considered one of those people, although, at this point, Bell might simply be considered an apostate). Grace is wonderful, but the message of hyper grace downplays sin and the holiness God that demands of His people, who are now born again, recreated in Christ Jesus. We have been freed from sin, not freed to sin! As a result, those who subscribe to hyper grace tend to lead sloppy, carnal lives, encourage others to do so, and vehemently oppose those who preach holiness and righteous living.

It absolutely astounds me and breaks my heart when I've posted encouragements toward holiness and righteous living online and I've been rebuked, chastised, and attacked, not so much by unbelievers, but by Christians!

Just the other day, I saw a young woman on Facebook write that the Old Testament (aka the Tanakh) was for the Israelites only and that Christians need only read the New Testament (which is, arguably, sweeter, more "desserty" than the Old Testament). But I had to remind this young woman that the Bible states that "All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: That the man of God may be perfect, thoroughly furnished unto all good works" (2 Tim. 3:16-17). We can't just embrace the sweet parts of scripture and discard the meatier parts.

Dr. Brown presents the dangers of this mode of thinking so beautifully and eloquently, so here it is: The Dangers of Hyper Grace.

It makes perfect sense to us, from a physical standpoint, that if we ate nothing but ice cream/dessert, we'd eventually become sick and malnourished. That wouldn't be a balanced diet. Dessert is great, but we also need vegetables and protein. Yet, many Christians, spiritually speaking, see nothing wrong with a dessert-only spiritual diet.

This is error.

As Dr. Brown points out in his message, we need (and Jesus brings) both grace AND truth (John 1)! Jesus was merciful and forgiving, but He also told those He encountered to "go and sin no more" (John 5:14, 8:11).

So enjoy (trust me, it's delicious)!

Where In the World is the Intimacy With Jesus Girl?!

Psalm 22:10-11

10 I was cast upon thee from the womb: thou art my God from my mother's belly.

11 Be not far from me; for trouble is near...

"Hello there! And have you been waiting for me?"

I think that's how Kathryn Kuhlman used to begin her radio broadcasts. I flatter myself to think that perhaps you've missed me as much as I've missed you!

Where have I been? Oh goodness, where to begin...

So awhile back, I was offered a job, but couldn't find an apartment rental near the job, plus I started to feel uneasy about the job offer itself, so I declined the offer.

When I found an apartment rental I liked, I decided to take it. I figured I could find another technical writing job easy peasy!

Well, it wasn't easy peasy. I relocated. I applied. I interviewed. No call backs. 

So I'm still with my old company, except now, I live about an hour away.

How's that gonna work out? I'm not sure...

One of the head boss ladies is going to allow me to work from home a portion of the week to alleviate some of the stress and expense of commuting; she said, "We love you and we want to keep you." That actually really touched my heart especially because I figured I was always so grumpy on the job! I don't know why they'd love me because I never feel very lovable.

I've also got another confession: After all my preaching that we should just trust God and His Word for our mental and emotional stability, at the height of all my stress, I ended up having a really bad panic and crying attack, so much so that my doctor had to put me on calming medication. Yet, I must also concede that I hadn't been abiding in the secret place of the Most High (Psalm 91): I'd been subsisting on drive-thru prayers and rushed Bible studies, so it's no wonder I broke down. I actually proved my own point: We only remain mentally and emotionally stable when we remain on the Rock.

Yet, at some point, something kind of beautiful happened: I wore myself out! Not like the other times. With all the interviewing and waiting and disappointments and packing and moving and so on and so forth, I just wore myself out and told the Lord that I couldn't do this anymore, and that I needed Him to carry me. And, you know what? I feel like He is doing exactly that.

I think I was physically and emotionally spent. That's partly why I hadn't blogged in awhile. I was waiting with baited breath to see how these interviews would pan out. I experienced disappointments when I wasn't chosen, but something else interesting happened: I didn't respond quite the way I would've responded in the past: I experienced a split-second feeling of being a tiny bit miffed with God, then, perhaps out of sheer physical and mental exhaustion, I simply cast myself upon Him, resigning myself to whatever it was He wanted, to whatever He had planned; I ran to Him for comfort and for Him to continue carrying me and loving me through this crazy time.

I truly pray this is a sign of spiritual maturity: Trust, resignation, submission, dependence. In the past, I would've been angry with God when things didn't work out as I'd hoped. But, instead, in the midst of everything, my heart still felt an overwhelming love for the Lord Jesus. And it felt so beautiful.

Mom and I also experienced some mini-miracles along the way:

Our new landlords are an older couple, a wife and husband business team. I think they own several properties and businesses. They told us they had a moving team, that they could do the moving for us, and that they would charge us a super low price. We didn't want to make things awkward by refusing, so we agreed to let them move us. Several times before they actually moved us, we asked if they could give us a quote, but they kept dancing around the price. "Don't worry, don't worry," the wife would say.

Well, come moving day, the husband hits us with a $1,000 fee to cover both a truck rental and the physical labor. My mom and I nearly fainted. The move just prior to this one was double the amount of furniture, etc., and it only cost us about $315.00!

Obviously, my mother and I weren't anticipating paying anywhere near the neighborhood of $1,000 for such a simple move (and we still actually ended up moving a ton of stuff ourselves!).

That night, my mom and I prayed. We prayed for peace in the situation (we didn't want things to get ugly between us and the new landlords) and I specifically prayed to God that the landlords would come down on their price (my mother likely did as well).

Monday of the following week, my mother had a phone conversation with the wife. She explained to her that we were on a tight budget and that $1,000 was way more than what we'd anticipated paying. After haggling back and forth for a few minutes, the wife asked if we'd be willing to pay $500.00 for both the truck rental and the physical labor. Though this was still kind of steep, we quickly agreed! Praise Jesus! The Prince of Peace both kept peace in the situation and turned the landlord's heart to bring the moving fee down!

My mother and I had also decided that we didn't want to keep our old beds. A charitable organization accepts mattresses and box springs in OK condition, but apparently our mattresses and box springs were too tired looking for them to accept. So now we had another problem: We had these giant mattresses and box springs still in the apartment. We wanted to leave the apartment before large trash day, but if we weren't there to put the mattresses and box springs out on large trash day, we'd have to pay our old landlord to haul them away, which might cost a small fortune. So what to do? We listed the mattresses and box springs as freebies on Craigslist--we figured a company might take them and refurbish them.

Well, some lady emailed me and told me she wanted them. Actually, mom and I thought she only wanted one bed, so we put my mattress and box spring outside, in the large trash section (early), kept my mother's mattress and box spring in the apartment, and awaited the woman's arrival.

The woman was taking an awfully long time to show up (four hours!), so mom and I decided to run to the Post Office to mail a package.

When we returned, the woman was waiting outside the apartment. She and a companion had already taken the mattress and box spring my mom and I had placed outside in the large trash section and had loaded them onto her companion's truck.

Apparently, a friend of hers had lost everything--I didn't get all the details of the story--but these old mattresses and box springs weren't being taken by a company for refurbishing--they were being taken by ordinary people for someone to use.

I was so struck by this; I felt there were so many lessons in this, it was overwhelming: Lessons about being thankful and appreciative for what you have (because there is always someone less fortunate). Most of us would be repulsed by the idea of sleeping on some stranger's old mattress, but for someone with absolutely nothing, an old mattress is better than sleeping on a cold, hard floor! 

I also thought about Jesus' story:

Luke 12:24

Consider the ravens: for they neither sow nor reap; which neither have storehouse nor barn; and God feedeth them: how much more are ye better than the fowls?

I thought about that family, a family willing to accept old mattresses, and my heart was broken as I thought about God's love and tender provision. We might throw something out and consider it trash, but getting that discarded item could be like finding a gold coin to someone who has nothing. Are old mattresses the best that God can do? Of course not. But we know that we often experience greater and more abundant blessings from God gradually. I imagine that the quails the Israelites ate in the wilderness weren't as sumptuous as the milk and honey blessings of Canaan (Ex. 16:13, 3:8), but both were provided by God. He takes us step by step, from glory to glory (Deut. 7:22, 2 Cor. 3:18). So my heart was just so touched and blessed as I thought on God's tender care for this family I'd never met. He gave these people beds, just as He feeds the birds, just as He cared for Hagar and Ishmael in the wilderness.

I still have some challenges ahead of me: We're in the midst of a minor financial dispute with our former landlord (he's actually the first landlord we've had a problem with--but he's been shady from the very beginning). So mom and I need to pray that this situation also gets resolved quickly and peacefully, without us getting raked over the coals, financially.

Also, because I'd anticipated immediately getting a higher-paying job, I accepted our current apartment with no problem. But the rent is actually $150.00 more than our previous rent--yet I still have the same income. So our monthly bills are going to be a bit higher. 

I also have to see how this whole work-from-home-part-of-the-week thing goes. I'm not a driver. I mean, I drive, I have a license, but I have a bit of a driving phobia (I've been in a few accidents and totaled at least one car; a doctor recently told me that I currently have arthritis in my neck from previous car accident injuries). Also, because my sleep tends to be sketchy, I'm often too tired to drive long distances (or even short distances!). So I'm going to have to find a low-stress, non-highway driving route to work and soon. Hmmm...

This blog is my spiritual journey, and I feel like those who come here and read my posts are taking this journey with me. It's been really humbling and a bit humiliating for me that I didn't secure another job position as quickly or as easily as I thought I would--that's partly why I hadn't blogged in so long. It's sometimes hard and embarrassing for me to admit my failures. I thought I was just trusting God, but maybe there was a bit of arrogance and cockiness in there too. Maybe it went to my head a little bit when all those recruiters started vying for my attention. I figured I was this hot shot, in-demand writer and editor, who could write her ticket anywhere! Well, pride is evil and it's ugly, so, for the Christian, getting knocked down a few rungs is always good thing, even if it doesn't feel particularly good when it's happening...

Well, it's all in His hands. I'm in His hands.

Talk 2 u soon! Love yas!

Psalm 139:7-10

7 Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence?

8 If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there.

9 If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea;

10 Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me.