If thou seekest her as silver, and searchest for her as for hid treasures;
For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.
OK, so, my life was super boring and super uneventful, so I craved excitement.
Now, I'm once again craving peace, quiet, simplicity, and uneventfulness.
I think humans are like that.
Humans are fickle. We're dumb. We're confused. We don't know what we want. We can't make up our minds: I want excitement. I want simplicity. I want to be married. I'm glad I'm single. I wish I had friends. I'm so glad no one makes demands on my time.
Well, I don't want to get my hopes up, but I might be moving into a somewhat quiet, uneventful season in my life: Mom and I found a house for rent in a senior living community in a tiny city in a dull state. So we'll be relocating soon (actually, we'll be moving back to the state from which we'd move when I got my current job). My job is willing to let me telecommute. That offer almost seems too good to be true and I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop: I can make my own hours, work in my pajamas with Christian music blasting in the background, I can go to the bathroom whenever I want and not have to worry about the one stall being occupied, I won't have to wake up at the crack of dawn, then hit the ground running to get ready for work. A slower pace. Isn't that what I've been praying for lately? The senior living community even has a list of regular community activities and guess what...Bible study is one of those activities!
There is one caveat: The situation with my former landlords seems to be escalating. Their lawyer is threatening to sue us; our lawyer is threatening to sue them. They're telling outright lies on us (they're stating that we trashed and stole things out of the apartment! We always leave our apartments squeaky clean--we have pictures and former landlord references to prove it--and we don't steal!). So things seem to be getting ugly. I'm praying things simmer down and that this nightmare can be resolved quickly (I really don't want to be going back and forth from one state to another for a civil court case). We just want our security deposit back. Lord, have mercy!
But I'm OK.
I'm holding onto my Master, the King! I'm not just saying that--I mean it! I don't feel anger. I don't feel resentment or bitterness. I'm not mad at God that things haven't been working out as quickly or as easily as I would've wanted. In fact, the more stressful things have gotten lately, the more my heart has felt nothing but overflowing love and desire for the Lord Jesus. I feel like I'm hanging onto my Beloved Husband as one would hang onto a life raft! I'm holding onto Him as though my every breath depended upon Him--because it does! I need Him, I need His love to get me through this. I'm holding on for dear life!
I don't want to boast because every time I boast, it seems to backfire, but I truly hope the Lord is teaching me that I can have stability in Him, that I can rest in His love. When things are crazy, when things are terrible, when I don't understand--I can remain stable in Him, in His love. My emotions don't have to go crazy and I don't have to get mad at God. I can just rest, love, trust. Or, better yet, love, trust, rest. I have the Love of my life. He's always with me. He's with me on stressful jobs. He's with me in boring towns. He's with me in litigation. He's with me as I type this, exhausted and mentally burned out.
I feel beat down. I feel as though I've worn myself out. I feel like God has broken me...but in a good way. I'm tired of "kicking against the pricks" (Acts 9:5). When you're totally wiped out, you have no other choice but to let His love carry you.
The other night, listening to the Gospels, I heard Matthew 6:21: "For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also."
Proverbs states that we should search for wisdom and the knowledge of God as for hid treasure (Proverbs 2:1-5).
Well, Jesus is the wisdom of God (1 Cor. 1:24) and knowledge of Him--knowing Him--is the hidden treasure we should seek.
So, if the Lord Jesus is truly my treasure, my heart will remain fixed on Him, regardless of my circumstances. That's freedom. That's stability. That's being desperately in love with God.
The Lord is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower.
How God Views His Bride (Paul Washer) Part 1:http://media.sermonindex.net/16/SID16121.mp3
How God Views His Bride (Paul Washer) Part 2:http://media.sermonindex.net/16/SID16122.mp3