On the Essence of Anger and Finding Joy

OK...a lot of thoughts have been swirling about in my head on this subject, so I'm going to try to make this as coherent as possible...

I've mentioned before that I'm sort of a combination of Carrie Heffernan and Ralph Kramden. I'm just...mean! I don't even know why I'm so mean. I just feel like I'm in a bad mood 99.9% of the time. Mean, Cranky, Grouchy. I don't always show this outwardly. In fact, usually, I'm quite cordial to people. But, internally, there's almost always a storm brewing.

But a few times, recently, I've found myself in a rather good mood. It's been almost scary. I felt happy, peppy, I didn't have a desire to punch anyone in the face for, like, entire days at a time!

So I've been pondering WHY exactly I'm so angry, WHY I might be experiencing a little more happiness now, and HOW I can maintain this.

My Bible reading plan has me back in the book of Genesis. In the book of Genesis, we find, at least, two angry people:

Cain and Sarai (we'll later encounter Joseph's brothers, but I haven't gotten to those chapters yet).

Why was Cain so angry? Let's review the story (Genesis 4:3-4:11):

"And in process of time it came to pass, that Cain brought of the fruit of the ground an offering unto the LORD.

"And Abel, he also brought of the firstlings of his flock and of the fat thereof. And the LORD had respect unto Abel and to his offering:

"But unto Cain and to his offering he had not respect. And Cain was very wroth, and his countenance fell.

"And the LORD said unto Cain, Why art thou wroth? and why is thy countenance fallen?

"If thou doest well, shalt thou not be accepted? and if thou doest not well, sin lieth at the door. And unto thee [shall be] his desire, and thou shalt rule over him.

"And Cain talked with Abel his brother: and it came to pass, when they were in the field, that Cain rose up against Abel his brother, and slew him.

"And the LORD said unto Cain, Where [is] Abel thy brother? And he said, I know not: [Am] I my brother's keeper?

"And he said, What hast thou done? the voice of thy brother's blood crieth unto me from the ground.

"And now [art] thou cursed from the earth, which hath opened her mouth to receive thy brother's blood from thy hand..."

So what can we glean from this story?

1. Cain was angry because God accepted Abel's offering, but rejected his offering.

2. Cain's anger manifested outwardly, in his countenance.

3. Cain received a very personal word from the Lord (something scripture doesn't record Abel receiving).

4. In anger, Cain plotted against his brother, deceived his brother, murdered his brother.

5. When the Lord confronted Cain, rather than confessing his sin, Cain (with a hardened heart?) lied to the Lord and showed no sorrow or regret over what he'd done.

Cain could've responded differently in so many ways: 

1. Cain could've prayed, asked the Lord why his offering was rejected (if it was unclear to him) and how he could rectify the situation.

2. Cain could've asked forgiveness for bringing a less than satisfactory offering to the Lord and could've presented another offering to the Lord (he even could've humbled himself and purchased a lamb from his brother!).

3. Cain could've rejoiced that the Lord loved him so much, He gave him a personal word of correction (Hebrews 12:5-6). God SPOKE to Cain! Scripture doesn't record the Lord speaking to Abel. Cain got something Abel didn't. The Lord may have rejected Cain's offering, but He wasn't rejecting him! He wanted Cain to repent, get his act together, and try again! God corrects us because He loves us.

4. Cain could've "bit the bullet" and went out of his way to be friendly to Abel.

In any event, we can see how anger is caused, how it can spiral out of control (if wiser decisions/better responses aren't made) and, eventually, how it can consume and destroy both us and those around us.

Now, let us look at Sarai (Genesis 16:1-6):

1 Now Sarai Abram's wife bare him no children: and she had an handmaid, an Egyptian, whose name was Hagar.

2 And Sarai said unto Abram, Behold now, the Lord hath restrained me from bearing: I pray thee, go in unto my maid; it may be that I may obtain children by her. And Abram hearkened to the voice of Sarai.

3 And Sarai Abram's wife took Hagar her maid the Egyptian, after Abram had dwelt ten years in the land of Canaan, and gave her to her husband Abram to be his wife.

4 And he went in unto Hagar, and she conceived: and when she saw that she had conceived, her mistress was despised in her eyes.

5 And Sarai said unto Abram, My wrong be upon thee: I have given my maid into thy bosom; and when she saw that she had conceived, I was despised in her eyes: the Lord judge between me and thee.

6 But Abram said unto Sarai, Behold, thy maid is in thine hand; do to her as it pleaseth thee. And when Sarai dealt hardly with her, she fled from her face.

What can we glean from this story?

1. Sarai, being either impatient for God's plan or not fully understanding the glorious plan God had for her life, gave another woman to her husband.

2. Sarai became angry with Abram and Hagar because of the bad decision she made.

3. Sarai lashed out at Hagar (either verbally and/or physically abusing her) because of the bad decision she made.

Sarai could've responded differently:

1. Sarai could've prayed and asked the Lord if a surrogate was in His plan; she then could've waited on the Lord until she got an answer.

2. Sarai could've taken responsibility for her bad decision (rather than becoming angry with Abram and Hagar).

3. Sarai could've "bit the bullet" and treated Hagar with kindness.

It actually never occurred to me how similar Cain and Sarai were:

1. Both, misunderstanding both God's plan and intent, took matters into their own hands with disastrous results. 

2. Both became angry with and blamed others for their bad decisions.

3. Both allowed their hearts to become hard and their anger to spiral out of control to the point of verbally and/or physically hurting someone else.

4. Both were jealous, discontent.
5. Both could've changed their responses and ended up with very different (more positive) situations.

So, I was at my job and I realized that I was actually enjoying what I was doing. Why was I enjoying myself? Because I was fully giving myself to what I was doing. I was living in the moment. I wasn't fantasizing about living in Hawaii or how I might be more financially secure in a few years. I was just doing my work and doing my best to do a good job.

Ecclesiastes 5:1 states, "Keep your foot [give your mind to what you are doing] when you go [as Jacob to sacred Bethel] to the house of God..."

Give your mind to what you're doing. Live in the moment. We should enjoy God every moment of every day.

So what does this have to do with Sarai and Cain? They were both discontent. And what does discontentment have to do with not living in the moment?

Well, we're discontent because we want something we don't have at the moment (Sarai wanted a happier familial situation; Cain wanted God's approval). So we look to the future to a day when we might get what we want or even dread the future and the possibility that we might NEVER get what we want. But at this very moment, we are angry, unhappy, discontent. And this anger and discontentment grow until they destroy us and those around us.

I've written before how I want to actually live Ecclesiastes 5:19:

"Every man also to whom God hath given riches and wealth, and hath given him power to eat thereof, and to take his portion, and to rejoice in his labour; this is the gift of God."

It occurred to me that I was reading this scripture passively: I wanted God to put rejoicing in my labor "on" me. I was waiting to feel it. But maybe a part of this is about living in the moment. CHOOSING to rejoice in one's labor, in the job that one is doing.

Rather than sitting at my desk, despising every second, counting down the minutes 'til I can go home, I can focus on doing my best for the Lord Jesus (Colossians 3:23), really giving myself to what I'm doing at the moment. I can worship Jesus in, with, and through my work.

Rather than rushing through prayer, hating that I don't have more free time for devotions, and, while I'm praying/worshiping, mentally running through all the chores I have to do, I need to just enjoy Jesus, in the moment, in the time that I have with Him, whether it's 5 minutes, 15 minutes, or an hour.

Jesus lives in every second, every moment. He's with me at my desk, with me when I'm cleaning the house.

We have Jesus! There's no reason for us to ever be discontent and, thus, no reason to live in perpetual anger, no reason to let that anger consume us and destroy us or those around us.

Cain needed to rejoice that God spoke to him (what an honor!). He needed to rejoice in that moment, rejoice in God's correction and focus on doing better.

Sarai needed to rejoice that God had spoken to her husband and that He obviously had major plans for her family. She needed to rejoice in every moment that she waited on God, for His plan for her family to come to pass.

I haven't got this whole thing figured out...but I think I'm on the right track. I'm making progress! My mood, my outlook are changing. I feel better than I've felt in a long time.

UPDATE: See Bitter Root, Bitter Fruit.